Have you ever left your life? No looking back. Just start over? I'm not really talking about doing it in a healthy way...more like forced change or running away from a situation?
The first time I did it I was told "if you leave here, don't expect to come running back". I was sixteen. The second time I did it, I got the distinct impression the person seeing me off was glad (or at least relieved!) to see me go. I was eighteen.
Since then I thought I had gotten used to changes. I was able to make them without too much hesitation. I was able to let go of the things I had and the life I was living with very little attachment. I would just "get a new one" if the current one wasn't working. No regrets! That was my goal. As a matter a fact, when I did make a change I usually ended up feeling pretty good about it and could eventually let the past go. BUT, I had come to accept "there was no going back".
Well another life change is on the horizon, the "healthy" kind this time. AND I AM SO EXCITED! But this time I am not so eager to give up what I have. For the first time in my life I have created the life I felt would suit me. I did it from scratch, with the help of God and some very gifted people. That's the thing...I have people around me who love me and who I love and respect very much. I have people who trust me and count on me and would actually be disappointed if I left for good.
The first time I did it I was told "if you leave here, don't expect to come running back". I was sixteen. The second time I did it, I got the distinct impression the person seeing me off was glad (or at least relieved!) to see me go. I was eighteen.
Since then I thought I had gotten used to changes. I was able to make them without too much hesitation. I was able to let go of the things I had and the life I was living with very little attachment. I would just "get a new one" if the current one wasn't working. No regrets! That was my goal. As a matter a fact, when I did make a change I usually ended up feeling pretty good about it and could eventually let the past go. BUT, I had come to accept "there was no going back".
Well another life change is on the horizon, the "healthy" kind this time. AND I AM SO EXCITED! But this time I am not so eager to give up what I have. For the first time in my life I have created the life I felt would suit me. I did it from scratch, with the help of God and some very gifted people. That's the thing...I have people around me who love me and who I love and respect very much. I have people who trust me and count on me and would actually be disappointed if I left for good.
This is a new an interesting place to be.
This time I don't have to leave for good. I am able to leave and go after my vision, but also to come back and apply what I have found to what I had.
This time I don't have to leave for good. I am able to leave and go after my vision, but also to come back and apply what I have found to what I had.
Now I just need to get my heart and head around traveling both directions on the same path...after all I can find my way back now...just follow the path that has already been created.
2 comments:
BY FAR my favorite blog entry of yours. It made me very happy and excited for you to know that you have built a life you are proud of and content with yet continue to stretch the boundaries. I have been blessed from a very young age to be supported in trying new things, knowing the people I love wouldn't desert me or stop loving me. I'm glad to hear that you are aware of those of us out there that will love and support you and won't leave your side when you are traveling up and down different paths. It's ok to leave and come back - the people and things that matter will still be here :) me
Reading this gave me the chills Gabi. I'm excited for you and can empathize with how it might feel to walk away from what you've created... Can't wait to see it all unfold butterfly.
Love to you!
Kim
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