God dwells in us, as us.

Ever feel like all you do is blame others or circumstances for your misfortune? Seems like I hear a lot of "if only I had the time... money... dedication... willpower...." etc.. "then I would ________" (fill in the blank)

I can relate. I have spent some time here, in this mindset. It wasn't until I realized that -there is no one to blame but myself if I am not living up to my own expectations, and I don't have to have some deep philosophical reason for everything that I do- that things started to change for me.

For a long time, I tried to blame others, and for a while I even tried to blame god for not "helping" me. Then after a discussion with a friend, a simple idea came to me "I have all the power I need to do whatever I want. I just have to a good enough reason to do it...

The truth is, partly I was just being lazy and partly my brain and way of thinking were still too immature. I mostly just wanted someone else to do it for me. I also was not connected spiritually enough to realize I could do it. I didn't believe I had enough power inside of me. I thought I could only access that power if I had that deep philosophical reason.

So anyway...I had to get pretty frustrated before I realized no outside help was coming. Which turned out to be good news after all because I also finally realized that I didn't need it.

We all have everything we need right now. We have an infinite source of power available to us. The help had been here all the time. I just couldn't access it because I wasn't doing anything and had little faith.

So the secret I think, is in having faith that whatever you want to, you have the power you need right there inside of you to do it. Then life becomes simple. Life simply flows from you and through you, and brings with it an unlimited amount of energy.

And what's left is, GRATITUDE!

GOD. Dun, dun, dun....

I recently had a very, very helpful epiphany...

I have a spiritual program that I use to help me navigate life which has been very valuable to me over the past, almost ten years. Over these years I have gone back and forth with the concept of GOD. It has been a roller coaster for me, an actual love/hate relationship, and as a result -this most important relationship role model- has bled into many of my significant relationships.

You see I've had two "gods" in my life. One, an all encompassing sort of energy or Spirit which does not posses human qualities. And the other, my childhood god, a much more "traditional" sort of morphed Christian god. This one has human characteristics and is full of short comings....is punishing and inconsistent and very, very conditional. The funny thing is, until recently I had no idea I had both concepts.

When I am out in nature, especially remote areas, I know that there is a current that runs around and through the earth and every being here. It is palpable, visible and extremely powerful. I have felt it, seen it and experienced it. When I am aware of that "presence" or "energy" I am in awe and inspired. I feel small (right sized) and part of a bigger picture. I know that there is definitely a power greater than myself in those moments. A power I have within me to tap into when I need strength, patience, self control, determination or any other word in this genre...

So, now that I have had this realization I understand that I have been seeking assistance and strength from a very limited concept, and I know now why I have felt so alone and abandoned at times. So it makes sense to let go of this childish idea and embrace what I have know somewhere inside all along. That God is everything.

I spent some time feeling regret for putting so many limits on a truly unlimited source of power, but that doesn't do any good either...

I simply didn't know I didn't know; until I knew I didn't know, and my amends will be the gratitude I feel for this new awareness. :)

A Soul Slowly Dying?

We all know that the body has an expiration date, but does the soul? I guess it's possible. Sometimes Life just slips out of people. They slowly withdraw as expectations are not met and dreams are not realized...having had one disappointment after another Life becomes too risky to keep trying and the pain becomes too great. A Being can become numb and retreat within, giving up more and more of each moment until there is no momentum left at all.


I have seen this first hand. I have a friend who believes that there is absolutely no one in this world she can truly rely on or count on to be there for her. She feels completely and totally alone on a Soul level.
Now, she has had to walk through many tragedies in her life and has tried many, many times to pull herself up and try again. But with each set up and each fall, she has become more and more discouraged. She recently said to me "...its as if Life is leaking out of me"... "...and even the things that bring me joy have lost much of their luster. I question if I am making the smallest bit of difference or if any of the things I want or need matter at all".


I find this interesting because to look at this girl you would think that she has everything going for her. She has a good job, knows lots of people, is a member of her community, is of service to many people and appreciated for it...but in looking beyond the surface, its as if there is no one there at all...only a void. The essential fuel for Life is missing...Love. That connectedness to others on the level of Spirit. She feels as though it just isn't there for her.


It's sad really, every Soul has its journey and Life is ours for the interpretation. So why then can't she just change her interpretation and let go of what is limiting her? Is a flaw in the way she is wired up? It would seem so given all of the years of effort and searching she has been through. For all of us Life can seem like a sick joke sometimes, with no rhyme or reason to it all. I feel a tremendous amount of compassion for my friend and I hope and pray she finds Loves' connection to her.

Grand Canyon Double Crossing 2010

I know I have been very absent in my blogging and I have to say it's mostly because I have not been all that (originally) inspired...

What I have been committed to though is, surrendering control of things outside myself and I have adopted a new motto "what's the big deal?" Which reminds me not to take myself too seriously.

This seemed appropriate when I started getting into some big mileage training for the Grand Canyon double crossing. Each time we went up in mileage I just asked myself what the big deal was and realized that there really wasn't one unless I chose there to be.

Grand Canyon Trip

We got up to the Canyon on Saturday afternoon. The weather was perfect. It was cool, breezy and sunny. Theresa had never seen it before and I have to say, I think when she did the whole idea of what we were actually doing started to sink in for her.

We went to bed pretty early that night but neither of us slept very well. I was so excited I could hardly keep myself in bed! Thank God for the yoga and pranayama breathing! As it was I think I was officially awake at 230am. But what's the big deal right? I had to get up some time...

Day 1

We started down south Kaibab at 530am, the sun was just starting to light the sky and this trail is spectacular in the morning light. It is very dramatic -which I loved- with steep drops, narrow trails, funky boulder piles, deep red sand, tunnels and a cool bridge at the bottom to bring it to its end. We goofed around a lot on that trail, taking a bunch of photos and video but still managed to make it to Phantom Ranch while some of the other trekkies in the group were still there.

Phantom Ranch.

It sounds pretty exciting by the name of it but really, not so much. Its a building with some dorm houses surrounding it. You can get some ice here, for a price, and there are nice clean, big bathrooms -which really was the best part. We hung out here for about 20 minutes or so and had a snack, changed our socks, and washed our faces.

Then we were off to Roaring Springs. This is a small side trip that includes a waterfall -which by the way was ICE cold- and saved our feet! It made the extra mileage totally worth it! That is, until we found out that about 1 mile up the original trail the river crosses the trail and you can take your shoes off here and ice your feet down! Needless to say, next year we will bank on this spot for our feet!

Continuing on we came upon Aiken's place, this is where the trail starts to get steep heading up the north rim. We actually soaked our shirts here with cold water and our hats before heading up north Kaibab.

Up and up and up and up ....more waterfalls in the distance, then more up, more cool bridges to cross, then more up, beautiful dramatic cliffs and flora to check out and oh yea, more up!

At about 2 miles from the summit, Theresa decided to take out her poles and use them the rest of the way -little did we know that this was gonna be a decision she would later regret...

As we got close to the top there was snow on the banks beside the trail, but because of the grade I still felt warm. The last little bit of the trail was littered with "tourists" who were all fresh and smiling and who had no idea that we had been hiking for the past 12 hrs and 23 miles! They were a little annoying but we managed to make it up with out Theresa knocking anyone off the trail :)

Did I mention we were still going up? Ya? Ok. Well it did come to an end that first day and when we rounded the last switchback and I saw the trail head sign I got super excited and a BIG burst of energy! When we got to the top I was laughing and high fiving and hugging...then I noticed Theresa looked like she was gonna puke. Ya. Remember those poles? Well she had forgotten to drink any water the last few miles because she had her poles in her hands and had become dehydrated along with over exerted. Ah hindsight... one of Gods' little gifts.

That night was a rough one for her, she struggled with whether or not she should go back the next day being as she couldn't eat dinner and didn't have time to re-hydrate...in the end she decided to end her journey through the canyon on a good note (and with good memories) and chose to ride the bus back to south rim to meet me the next day.

(My dear sister, you are a rock star and this trip would not have been the same with out you there with me! We'll kill it next year, BOTH ways :)

Day 2

This time I slept like a rock! But was still up at 4am and starting down the north Kaibab trail at 530am! I found a few people trekking at the same pace and hiked that day with them. North Kaibab is spectacular as well on the way down and there is something about the morning light and the quiet that gives it all a very spiritual feel for me. I love to be out in the middle of Gods' creation with very little of mans input, it fills me up on a level that I cannot explain.

The second day went a little faster. The group I was with had done this all before and were not messing around. Though they did humor me when I stopped for the billionth time to take yet another photo of a flower or tree or river or squirrel.... what can I say I am a sucker for a beautiful scene.

Anyway......we made it to Phantom Ranch without incident and then to the base of Bright Angel. Ah, Bright Angel. I have no idea why this trail has been named an Angel. It begins with deep sand trails and did I mention that it is 9.5 miles of steep switchbacks? No? Ya, it is.

But hey, what's the big deal right? Ya well, my mantra for this leg of my journey quickly became "breathe and take another step" I mean really, what else was I gonna do? The park rangers are less than sympathetic. I think their mantra is "if you got down here on your own, you can get back up on your own", literally. They will not "rescue" anyone unless they are literally going to die. So up I went, smiling somewhere on the inside, because despite how fatigued my legs were and how sweaty and gross I felt, I was still there in this massive canyon getting filled up.

Once I rounded the last corner and saw everyone at the top of the trail, I got another energy surge and ran the last little bit! At the top I slipped off my backpack, looked around, and as soon as I saw Theresa I lost it for about 20 seconds... the reality of what I had just done hit me hard.

It was an amazing journey, one I will never forget and one I will definitely do again! I mean really, what's the big deal? ;)

Wilson Mountain Trail #10

So this weekend we headed up to Sedona to hike Wilson Mt Trail #10, an 11.5 mile loop up to the top of the highest peak in Sedona, climaxing at 7000 feet. Dolores decided to join us again, so it was her, Theresa and I.

We started out about 830am. The trail is steep right out of the gate and does not let up for the next 5.5 miles. It climbs up, switch back after switch back, through a beautiful Juniper tree forest, the trees were covered in berries from all the rain, it was quite a sight.

After a while the trail opens into a meadow, although its an UPHILL meadow and the switch backs stay constant! The trail, most of the way, is rocky. We noticed this much more on the decent than the ascent though. And its very narrow in parts due to all the overgrown shrubbery and cactus.

The weather was beautiful on the way up, it was sunny and not too cold. Once we reached the saddle though, we were hit by a strong, VERY COLD wind. Thankfully we brought lots of layers and bundled up here. We continued up, seeing only the second person of the day as he was coming down from the summit. This man greeted us with this gem, "The good news is the wind dies down once you get into the trees, the bad news is its muddy and there is some deep snow up there. But you girls look dressed for it! Have fun." He said this wearing only a smile, a thin jacket and shorts!

And yes... everything he said was true! We hit some VERY muddy trails, some parts even had running water coming down them! As we continuing up toward the summit, we would loose the trail where it would get covered in SNOW and have to follow muddy footprints (which I am sure belonged to that happy half naked man).

Now, this snow was no ordinary AZ snow...I mean, one would think with it being almost April and all that the snow would be thinned out, just a light layer over the trail....ya, not so much.

We had to REALLY step lightly here, because if we were unlucky enough to step wrong, our legs would disappear up to our knees!(even our hips in some spots)!!

In hind sight, T and I were remarking how thankful we were to have Dolores with us during these spots. She provided us with much entertainment as she was cursing and laughing and whimpering and then laughing and cursing....mostly talking to herself... but doing it just loud enough for us to benefit from it!! :) We love you D! Thanks!

Anyway.....about 200 feet from the actual summit we COMPLETELY lost the trail to the snow, so we had to trail blaze a little to reach the top. No worries though. We were careful to trample as little vegetation as possible, staying mostly in the dirt and snowy patches.

Once on the summit we trekked across the top to the to the other side so we could stand on the edge and collect our absolutely SPECTACULAR pay-off, what a view!

It is a shear drop to the bottom of this mountain with a full view of Sedona cliffs and surrounding areas.

Theresa even pointed out Mt. Rainier off in the distance, towards Flagstaff...!?! (OK, so it was really Mt. Humphrey's...but we will let her have it... ;)

After a bit, we found a nice little spot on the edge of the mountain out of the wind to have lunch and warm up in the sun. Then it was, back the way we came, which was another adventure in and of itself!

One I will leave to your imagination...

All in all Wilson Mountain Trail #10 was a very fun adventure, and totally worth the challenge!

Grand Canyon Double Crossing

So my sister Theresa and I are going to hike the Grand Canyon in May from the south rim to the north rim and BACK! We are going with a running group (however we will not be running)and it will take us 2 days. Hike rim to rim, sleep in a hotel, hike back rim to rim.
We are going to try to document our training and adventures as we prepare for this crazy expedition.
So far we have been hiking in the Superstitions and South Mountain; and have found some pretty good trails. Next weekend we will be heading up to Sedona to climb Mt. Wilson. I will post some photos and blog about our adventure. Recently my other sister Dolores has decided to hike some of our long hikes with us which has made the routes all the more entertaining as she hasn't really been doing any excersizing for the past decade!! :)

Wish us luck!

A Limited Time Offer

How preciously short this lifetime is and -far as we know- only one shot to experience all of the wonders available to us here.

I was watching the previews to a movie the other day and "A Limited Time Offer" flashed across the screen. I immediately thought, that's what life is. A limited time offer...what are you gonna do with it?

In answer to that question I realized that I have become so much less interested in getting and doing and much more interested in experiencing and feeling.
I believe life is about people, animals and the environment, and how we are all interconnected. Not a new idea I know, but that is what makes it all the more powerful. This has been the truth for a long time...well, always.

A person can get so distracted with all the stuff and all the "doing" that at the end of the day (or lifetime) there is nothing of substance to reflect on. Literally no love experienced and therefore lost, no relationship that held any connection, no peace to be found. How sad... to live an entire lifetime here and to have missed the joy, love, laughter, sorrow, struggles, companionship, camaraderie, and friendship available for us.

Yet, so many people are waiting for day when they will have the time. The time talk to the person they have been meaning to call or visit the ones they would love to see...if only they had the time. It doesn't occur to us that we have the power to make the time. We just need to rearrange our priorities. There is ALWAYS time to spend with one another and connect to earth, what stands in the way is an illusion. We will never have the time if we are waiting for it. And don't forget, this is a Limited Time Offer and time is running out!

As much as we try to ignore it and avoid it, there is no getting around it. Our life here is temporary. And I don't know about you, but I intend to do the important things I have been putting off as they relate to this earth and the ones who actually live here. And to build upon the relationships I have, be of maximum service to the earth and those who cross my path and fill up on all of the love available to me.

I feel like I am a late bloomer when it comes to awareness but am so grateful to have this little bit of insight to help me along and bring me closer to the Source of it all.

Service and Intention

"...being careful not to pray for ourselves...we may pray for ourselves if others will be helped.." This comes out of a book I use for daily living.
For 9 years now I have been practicing this principle to the best of my ability. A little while ago I was speaking with a trusted friend about this concept and explaining how things just weren't working out like I was planning them, how I was uneasy and restless, and how frustrated I was with god. I was frustrated because I felt like I was praying and being of service, generally being a good person and yet was not being "rewarded" for my efforts. That's when the light bulb when off. Oops. I guess I had been praying for myself under the guise of being of service all along.
Its amazing how the mind can sort things out so that I can still cater to my ego and selfishness and in doing so, keep Me completely blind to it.
I have changed how I do things lately, especially prayer and intention. Its far from perfect and I am sure I will figure out a way to bring things back to me. I guess that is why they call faith a practice... at any rate I am noticing a major difference.
All I have really done differently is attempt to put being of service first in all I do. I am trying to remember that I don't know what is the best thing for me necessarily and I have to have guidance from within to know. To me, that guidance is accessed by simply asking "where would I be of the most service" and for the strength (and discipline) to go where I am lead.
Its true the best things in life are the most simple and once I stopped over thinking and adding to this principle, keeping it in its most simple and literal form...miracles start to happen, simply as a side affect...