It seems as though there is an epidemic out there of people who have so much to say but hold it all inside themselves... I'm not talking just about verbal expression, I mean expression in their work, in their relationships, and in their basic everyday lives.Society as a whole (at least American society) is conditioned to conform to the "norm" -whatever that is. Then there is the other extreme, the people who know they don't want to conform to the "normal" way of living and try as hard as they can to be different. Which in my opinion is simply conforming to the abnormal.
Finding our own individual voices and expressing our own individual likes and dislikes can be a challenging process, especially as the expression involves opening more of our hearts. What a gift to be able to do this... Realizing that each and everyone one of us are unique and different is what makes our relations to other people so valuable. We would never learn from each other if we all knew the same things. We cannot share our experiences, thoughts, philosophy, humor, strength, humiliations, etc...if we are all doing the same things, thinking the same things, believing the same things, and trying to achieve the same goals.
I believe its important to figure out what your own opinion of your own experience is. It may seem as though this is a given, you might say,"Of coarse I know what my opinion is!" ...but think about it, do you know? Is it yours? Or have your opinions been given to you, subtly over time?
I am not saying there aren't many out there who express who they truly are. I know some of you well and I admire and love you for it. You have been my inspiration. Thank you.
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I am still finding my own voice, my own likes and dislikes.
Just today, on my drive home, I though about "being cool". I remembered how hard I tried to be part of the cool group - even at work in the beginning. How "being cool" is so relative. I thought I was close to being cool in junior high, and then I knew I wasn't cool in highschool. How what I used to think was so important, not so much today. That is so weird. I really was pondering the old "in crowd" and that "out" feeling I always had. I imagine how hard it was for me to keep up with what I thought was important - and then I thought about the kind of people I was watching from afar. They must have felt some kind of weird pressure to be cool, to be like each other.
I always wanted a huge party for a wedding. And now having anyone there is making it real. It is the old me to minimize the importance of things, too. I am going to put some thought into what I really want and why. I told my sister that Jim and I were thinking of getting married in May and she was in a sour mood. She's like, "why?" in a negative and skeptical tone. I really didn't have an answer except he wanted it that way. I didn't and don't know what I want. Its a big deal to recognize that. I am typically a demanding person and I know what I want, I am driven and I'll get it! Right? So to see that I may not know what I want and not feel like I need to aggressively pursue it, its different. Not scary, just an observation.
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