This week has been all about breaking out of my limiting beliefs and re-enforcing new behavior patterns...It started on Monday when I got to my morning class. I went to stretch up in Half Moon pose and realized that my body was killing me. I hadn't really done anything on Sunday and I was hoping that would help my body to recover but that was NOT the case.
Anyway, I started freaking out a little...telling myself that this was crazy, that they might not know what they are doing here, I can't do this and maybe I should just go home. All I wanted to do was go home.
Well those thoughts opened up the flood gates for more tears to come, and this time they didn't stop. I cried pretty much throughout the day. It was the strangest thing, sitting and listening to my lectures and participating in our clinics while tears streamed down my face. I just let them come quietly and tried not to create any drama for anyone else. At times I had to go to the bathroom and sob uncontrollably only to return to class ready to listen and participate once again.
Although it was a very tough day, I realized some important things about myself and about human nature. We all have patterns in our life that we re-enforce on a daily basis and when we are forced outside of our patterns and beyond what we feel we are capable of doing, fear sets in. Fortunately I now know, if I just keep going straight through the fear, the gift on the other side is amazing. It's self-realization.
I didn't quit. I didn't go home. I pushed through and did what I didn't think I could do. I didn't give the negativity enough power to stop me and I didn't stuff it either. I did my best not to judge how I was feeling and just let it pass through me. This was an uncomfortable process and I didn't enjoy it when it was happening. But I have to say it was completely worth it and I have a feeling this is only the tip of the iceberg.
2 comments:
Wow Gabi. The word melting keeps coming to me - in terms of the boundaries that keep us limited inside. Physical, emotional, mental. Bless you!!
By the way, you're a friggin' warrior girl!
KK
Honestly I spend so much energy trying to stop the uncomfortable feeling when I face fear. What is that about? I feel like when I face something that I fear, that I think I just can't accomplish, I typically tell myself secretly "its okay if this sucks" and then I brace myself for the challenge. I really feel like I get physically psyched to beat something and my heart races and I get angry. I just want to get it over with. I haven't let myself feel the pain in a long time. I feel something like relief when its over. Not joy, relief. Interesting.
I hope the rest of the week went well. I am excited to talk to you Sunday.
Mucho amore,
Sadie
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