Do you ever feel like your just "winging it" when it comes to life? I do.
Some of us are fortunate enough to have had healthy childhoods. But it seems to me that many of us have had childhoods with very little direction as to how to handle hard situations in a healthy way.
You know... the lessons where you come up against something challenging, get to express your feelings and feel supported, and then work through it to help build a healthy sense of self esteem? No? Well, that didn't happen for me either... and as a result there are times when I feel like I am still going through some very remedial emotional growing pains.
You know what sounds good to me? Balance. I've had some catching up to do and probably have more to come, but I am learning to get through the difficult situations with the support that is available all around me. It means, asking for help on occasion, or gutting it out every once in a while, but in the end it's about having gratitude and faith. Knowing that everything I need is already mine and that I have just enough strength for every challenging situation that comes up.
And by the way, you do too.
2 comments:
I can so relate to this! As cheesy as it sounds, a positive outlook and expectations will get you far.
I can relate to feeling like I am a child learning everything for the first time. I don't know why. I have a very loving family that is also unhealthy. It is the opposite of neglect. Overkill with emotional support and control. It makes me think that until I break free from the "umbilical noose" that I won't be able to have many healthy relationships. I seem to do okay with friends, but romantically /i struggle. I also don't know why, but I am horribly uncomfortable when other people around me are not feeling okay. If someone cries or gets angry I don't know what to do but I find myself getting agrivated and uncomfortable and sometimes I just want to cry, too. It is exhausting to control everything around me. But it is hard to turn that off.
Back to life's lessons. I heard growing up, "you hold your head up high and don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough" and, "on your best behavior now," and ,"just be yourself, why are you fake laughing like that?" and finally, "smile natural sarah jane, why are you smiling like that?" I really think that somewhere back in the day I got it in my head that I had to be the perfect daughter and the harder I tried, the worse it got until I started TRYING to be the not so good daughter. Then things started to really get interesting. So up until I moved to Phoenix, I was still trying to piss them off and away. And why? They are good parents. WHo knows. But here I am.
I thought a friend of mine was coming over to hang up curtains for me today but he canceled. So I hung them myself and they look pretty damn good if I may say so. They are even and everything.
I know that I am right where I need to be today. I am not where I want to be somedays, but if I'd relax and let go I can see I am safe, healthy and if I choose to be, happy.
S
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