...more will be revealed...

There is a saying in one of the circles I run in that, "...more will be revealed..."

This life has been such a journey for me so far. A lot of disregarded selfishness, ego-centricity, ego deflation, pride, humility, sorrows, and joys...

I arrived at a day in my life about 6 years ago which brought into my awareness that I desperately needed things to change in me and in my life. Since that day I've been working hard to develop the most joyful life possible.

I used to be anxious to "arrive" or "get there", but so far, there doesn't seem to be a destination in sight. Thank God. I understand now, this will be a continuous process and I will be working at it for the rest of my life.

At first that didn't seem fair to me...but what I didn't understand was, I would continue to progress toward my goal each day. And the amount of joyfulness that I would feel would be increased both in intensity and duration. As an added bonus, just when I start to think I've got it all figured out and am comfortable with things, that is when the "more will be revealed" part comes in... it usually involves some work on my part to face something that I hadn't been ready to face yet, but it brings with it the opportunity to take this life to the next level and possibly learn to live and vibrate there.

Unconscious Expression

Dreams have always fascinated me and I have been blessed with ability to use my dreams to help me process things that are difficult to go through while I am awake.

Last night was a particularly helpful dream. I was who I am today, observing who I was "back in the day"...it was like watching a movie of my past. I found it super interesting and it helped me to put some things about myself into a new perspective. I imagine it was kind of like how a parent might feel watching their child but not being able to intervene... At any rate I gained a new understanding of myself and I am grateful for that. I hope it continues.

Sweet dreams :)

An Open Heart

Have you ever felt as though your heart is opening up?

Many of us -due to past hurt or loss- have closed off our hearts to love and let fear guide our interactions with people. While justified by the world and many of the people in it...it is in my opinion that this closing off, is a very tragic disconnect from our highest self.

I am just now starting to understand love's full potential and the power that it carries. While romantic love can be part of it, what I really mean is Love in general.

I personally have put up many barriers around my heart without even being aware of it. I became aware when I started to value myself and who I am, when I started to see the value in other people, and when I started to have the desire to share who I am with other human beings.

I have barely tapped the surface, I am sure, of Love's potential...but I can honestly say, that I am overwhelmed and in awe of what I am capable of feeling today. I have an immense amount of gratitude for the people that have been placed in my life to guide me and counsel me. It would have been much, much, slower going without them.

Open your heart. All you have to loose is the nothing you feel.

At the End

Someone said to me the other day "thank God we don't have to take with us, what we are left with when we die." She was referring to her body...

That struck me really hard. What if we did have to take what we were left with at the end? Would we change what we are doing to our bodies now?

I actually felt a lot of sadness when I heard this statement. I know many people feel like they can't wait to give up the body they are in and get a new one. Hence the overwhelming response to plastic surgery and the outstanding number of people with eating disorders...

What about the people with actual physical handicaps? Don't they seem like the ones that are trying to take the best care of themselves and the ones who are the most grateful for what their bodies can do?

I have been on both sides of the fence. In the past I have literally hated my body, but today, thankfully, I am learning to love all of me. I am so grateful that I have come into this place of awareness, and am able to understand what a gift it is to have a functioning, healthy body, free of disease and physical limitations.

At the end, I hope I will still be in a place of gratitude for all my body has done for me. After all, it carries my most precious possession...my soul.

GR"ATITUDE"

In the past I've talked about how I think that the difficult parts of life are simply opportunities to practice "getting better" at doing what we think is so hard...

Well, I recently have come into a place in my life where I feel good about most things. I don't feel like I have to worry about much, -which by the way I am so grateful for- and I feel like I can truly say that most days I like myself and I feel good about the life I am living.

But just when I am rolling along, feeling pretty good about things, along comes some old negative thinking pattern that -if I let it- can discredit all of my past efforts and bring me right back to square one.

In times like these, and as soon as I am aware of what is happening, I need to turn my attention to God and to remember that He does for me what I cannot do for myself. The most important thing for me to do is remember where I have been in contrast to where I am. This reminds me that I haven't been brought this far in life -through all of the things I've been through- to be abandoned now.

Today I know my happiness is a cooperative effort between me and my Higher Power and to the extent that I rely and trust in the process, is the extent that I will find the happiness I used to think was so elusive.

All in all, it comes down to simply remembering to stay grateful for all the gifts I have in my life. If I can remember to be grateful, it's nearly impossible to get dragged down by the BS.

What if?

What if...who would have thought that these two little words could be so powerful?
Powerful enough to take over a life? Yes, I think so.

When we let them, they can cause fear and anxiety, guilt and apprehension, even happiness and excitement...as a matter of fact, these two little words -when given the power- can create any emotion in us.

It seems to me, it all comes back to staying in the present moment and just going with the flow within each moment. All we really have is right now anyway right?
So I think, making a decision based on how we feel about the situation right NOW is the way to go. If our feelings change then we can always change our situation.

But we can pretty much be guarranteed, that if we don't live in the now and let go of the "what ifs", we will get stuck and will not be able to experience all of the wonderful things that this life has to offer.
So for me, it's goodbye to the what ifs and hello right now.

Who Knew?

I have been to Rocky Pointe Mexico more times than I can count. Most times, I would spend my time on the beach or tooling around on quads, but this time I went out to a little island just southwest of Rocky Pointe. It's about 45 minutes away by speed boat and its called Bird Island.

The boat ride in itself was an adventure for me! It seemed crazy to be in a boat so small, going that fast, on the open ocean. And more than once the whole front end of the boat was up in the air. Talk about a practice in having faith!!

The experience once we got out to the island was definately worth the boat ride though. The island is literally covered with sealions, in all sizes. There were huge bulls all the way down to little babies.

As we approached the island in the boat, the younger sealions all got in the water . They were everywhere, swimming in little packs. They would all stop at once to pop there heads up and stare at us. They looked so curious. I swear they were collecting information. Then they would all go under at the same time. Shaun and I joked about what they were possibly saying to each other under the water about what they saw... :)

Once we anchored in, we put on our snorkel gear and actually got in the water with them! It was amazing. They would come right up to us doing their acrobatics all around us. Sometimes they would stop right in front of us, literally inches from our faces, then turn and take off swimming again! They really seemed to be okay with us and to be having a good time. I know I was!

A few times we would get caught up in what we were doing and get a little too close to shore. One of the big bulls would start barking and head toward the water, so we'd swim back out. We certainly didn't want to get him too upset with us!! That was a little rushy!

I have to say it was an awesome experience and I definately recommend doing it if you are in Rocky Pointe. But I would feel bad if I didn't give this little side note....

Almost everyone who knows me, knows I am a shark lover. And while I love sharks, I definately DO NOT want to be in open water with them, unprotected. So to jump in the ocean with their favorite snack was pretty crazy on our part. Mexico is not a hot spot for Great Whites and I've never heard of an attack out there...but it never hurts to know what's possibly in the water!!

Regardless, I'd do it again. In a heartbeat!

A Walking Contradiction

Someone very close to me made the statement today that I am a walking contradiction...
At first my reaction was defensive and my feelings were hurt. I wanted to get lost in the anger and frustration of the comment and take it out on the person who said it.

I started to do this but then I remembered something I read a little while ago in "The Darkside fo the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. She said something like this...If my reaction to what is being said about me is intense, look to see if there may be some truth in what is being said; and to the degree I react to it, may be the degree that I am denying its there.

Turns out she was right. There are some things in my life that I would like to tell myself that I have under control or a greater understanding of, than I do.

This experience has brought to my awareness the idea that it takes hearing and really listening to the ones we love to get through some of the illusions we try to present to ourselves.
I don't know yet specifically what new understanding will come of this, but I am sure more will be revealed and I am truly grateful that -while it was a little bit of a struggle- I was able to open my mind up enough to the opportunity to understand myself a little better and change if needed.

So to this friend of mine, I want to say thank you for helping me to understand myself a little better and for your patient understanding.

Accentuate the Positive

Up until this past year, I had always considered myself a little on the "glass is half empty" side of things. A little skeptical...a little morose...
I really wanted to be a more optimistic person but was sure I just "wasn't the type".
At that time in my life pain was a great motivator for me. When things got bad enough and the pain of being so negative got great enough, I decided to try to change my perspective.

So, I started surrounding myself with people who were more "the glass is half full" types...if you're lucky, you know the ones I mean...kind, humble, positive, considerate, and generally happy with themselves and their lives? Ya, they were the people who had what I wanted out of life. So I've been trying to learn what I can from them and then practice doing the things that will bring me happiness.

I also have been learning to dismiss the negativity in my head, literally. I had to learn that all of that "old crap" that I try to tell myself is just that, crap. It is totally irrelevant because each new experience if different. So, I try to treat those thoughts as background noise or static if you will.

Since I have been practicing this new kind of thinking it has taught me that I can re-program my own thoughts and choose to be who I want to be regardless of who I think I am.

So today, at least for me, it means I need to accentuate the positive in each situation and give as little attention as possible to the self defeating thoughts that come to mind .

Blissed Out?

My good friend and engergy coach Kimberly Kingsley likes to use the term "blissed out". She and I having been working together for some time and I have been releasing blocks and growing substantially, at a very rapid pace -although at times it hasn't felt that way. And as a result of all of this work I feel as though I may have recently come into this state of being "blissed out".

I imagine this is what it feels like to be free. Free of anything blocking me from the inside out....I have been feeling very electric on an internal level. Vibrating at such a level that I can actually feel it.

I have felt what some call "the pink cloud" before but somehow this feels different. It is as though I have reintegrated a part of myself that has been lost for a lot of years and now I am free to be me again....

Totally Magic

I have never been so pleasantly surprised by anything in my life...and I had an awakening of sorts this weekend.

This weekend someone I haven't seen or spoken to in sixteen years came to visit me. We have a very colorful past and lots of significant events have happened to shape our lives as a result of our past relationship.

I knew it would not be easy to see this person, but felt like it needed to be done anyway. So...I did the best I could to stay open, honest and willing to have this experience. I am so glad I did.

What I expected to happen didn't come to fruition and I couldn't have imagined what did happen if I had tried to. I was completely surprised and so grateful to be able to stay in the moment. I felt present and willing to hear what was being said and see what was being done without any preconceived notions getting in my way. I felt the full spectrum of emotions as old information was expressed and released, and while it was very draining at times, it was also extremely fulfilling.

This experience has opened my eyes to who I was, what I have lost, and what I have gained. It has given me hope for the future, increased my faith, and opened my heart.

And once again this confirms for me that the only way out of fear is to walk straight though it.

Let It Flow

There are so many changes going on in my life that I can hardly keep up. I am feeling overwhelmed and excited, exhausted and energized, all at the same time! Its difficult to even know where to begin to express all that is happening. All of these changes are ones I want and am willing to make, and while it is scary and there are some unknowns, I really feel like its a good thing to be changing. It means growth is happening.

It's also a practice in faith for me. To let go and know that what I can't see will be provided, and if I pay attention to what my gut tells me and act accordingly, the outcome will be well worth any struggle involved.

In situations like this, in order to stay focused and easy going, I believe instant gratification must be put on the back burner. This is important because the more I go with the flow of things the more life flows freely and effortlessly.

So...I have to remind myself, that any frustration or impatience I feel is a direct reflection of my state of mind as it relates to change, and peace within the chaos is only one decision away.

A Life/Engery Mentor

Over the past 5 years, I have been learning a lot about emotion, expression and life in general through the teachings and understanding of Kimberly Kingsley. Kimberly has written a couple of books in reference to these things and is a life/energy coach. She has tremendous insight and wisdom, and is a beautiful soul.

If you enjoy some of the writtings on this blogspot, I would encourage you to visit hers. She has provoked much of what I have been talking about here...

http://www.kimberlykingsley.com/

Developing your Practice

I am learning to play the piano right now and I got to thinking about how being present for life is a lot like learning the piano. I have to practice if I want to get better at it.

I think life provides us many opportunities to practice what we need to learn. For instance, have you ever noticed it when you are trying to change a certain behavior, that you keep getting that behavior shoved in your face?
I believe that this is life's way of helping us out by giving us the opportunity -sometimes over and over again- to practice doing something different.

The word practice itself implies that we haven't mastered something.

And, I don't know about you but life must be a practice because I don't know anyone who has it completely mastered...

I truly believe I am here to learn how to love. Love myself and others. To stay open for the opportunity to have wonderful relationships with people but to honor myself and who I am in the process. What a gift to have this realization and to actually be practicing.

Slow down Mr. Jones

I was driving home from the gym this morning, watching the traffic and listening to the radio, when I had one of those moments...

I realized just how precious this gift of life is. I have heard that a thousand times and sort of scoffed or dismissed mostly. But today for some reason I got to thinking about just how short this little lifetime is, and how -if I am not careful- I will completely miss it.

I don't want to spend the years I have here running as fast as I can after one thing or the next. Or worse yet, telling myself I'll relax and enjoy life after I (insert accomplishment here)...

No one really knows what we are doing here or what happens once its over but there is so much magic in the interaction with people and the earth that it seems like a waste to focus my attention on how to keep up with Mr. & Mrs. Jones.

Sistah Blue

A group of us went to the Rhythm Room last night to listen to a band called Sistah Blue. They are a phenomenal, all woman, Blues band. The band consists of five woman all entering the autumn of their lives, but seemingly decades younger than they are.... There energy is infectious!

The most impressive sight there though, was Miss Betty. An eighty-eight year old, beautiful little woman. She was dressed to the nines and out on the dance floor "gettin her groove on" with the rest of us! Betty is slightly bent over and dances 1/2 time to the beat...but the smile on her face never left as her hips shook and shimmied to Sistah Blue! By midnight I was tuckered out, but Miss Betty was still out there, shakin' her thang!!

If I am around at eighty-eight, I hope that I am still living life to the extent that Miss Betty is.
You go girl! You are a true inspiration!

I love you...Potentially.

I asked a dear friend of mine "How do you know when you have tried all you can in a relationship?" and he said to me "You know a relationship is over when...nothing the other person could change about themselves would make you want to stay in the relationship."

I wonder how many of us tend to fall in love with a person's potential instead of the actual person. How often do we just overlook this and that, hoping that one day the person we are with, will miraculously become the person we actually want to be with?

To avoid falling into this trap I believe it's important to keep our hearts open so that we can see clearly, but to delay instant gratification when necessary. Have you ever heard of the saying "Good things come to those who wait"? I think it applies here and I am hoping it's true.

Besides, I wouldn't want to try to turn someone into something they are not, and delay their joy in expressing who they truly are.

A four letter word

Love.
I can think of a number of famous four letter words but this one seems to be at the top of everyone's list and in the middle of everything. We are forever trying to find it, avoid it, contain it, teach it, sell it, buy it, on and on and on...
We look everywhere for it, although we might not know we are looking. And many of us are unable to recognize it even when it is right in front of us.

The problem is not Love itself but our definition of it. Many of us have heard 1 Corinthians 13:4 at sometime or other. Whether is was at a friends wedding (or maybe your own), a funeral, a church service...we hear the words but who ever really tries to understand them? After all it is coming out of the bible! That in itself can cause enough fear for dismissal.

I really like the words though, it gives me a good starting place for a little four letter word that I believe, is literally indescribable when truly felt. Here are some of the words...

Love is: Patient, kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast, isn't rude, isn't self seeking, isn't easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs, it delights in truth, always protects, always perseveres, and never fails.

It's kind of like a road map...if your lost and you don't know whether or not it's love, then look at the words and see if any of them are there. The more there are, the more it is.

Gentle Guidance

I know many people who pray. Pray for strength, direction, freedom from this or that, etc.
And I have been witness to many answered prayers.

For the longest time I didn't pray. I figured I had "sinned" my way right out of heaven a long time ago, so what was the use. But I found myself at a point in my life where prayer was actually necessary for my survival. I had to re-think my stance on this. I had no other choice. I needed help and I couldn't get it from myself or any other person. God knows I tried.

It's funny too, because I began to pray very simple prayers at first. Then I started to pray more specifically when I found that my prayers were being answered. Today I still pray specifically, but I also pray that whatever I need to learn or whatever needs to be removed from my life (or allowed in for that matter) happens gently and effortlessly.

This is important. Today I believe that changing or growing (in Answer to prayer) doesn't necessarily have to be painful. So often things have to get terribly painful before we will accept (on faith) that change will be good. I'm beginning to realize that Joy can also be a Great Motivator. Its what motivates children to be so fearless. I have to remember how I felt as a child before cynicism and distrust moved in to replace optimism and hope.

May you realize your hearts desires gently and effortlessly, just knowing that there is Joy behind it.

Just once, again and again.

Addictions have been part of my life for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until the last several years that I have been aware of them and working to overcome them. And while I don't have any formal training on addiction, I do have years of study and first hand experience.

Whether it be drinking, drugs, smoking, food, or the opposite sex (I could go on....) addictions are very real and they can overtake us. I have found the most effective way (so far) to "overcome" them is to stop thinking and just do. Do what you need to in order to achieve the goal, and do it just once.

For instance, if you ate a salad at the next meal and this caused you to be at your goal weight... wouldn't you eat the salad? If you skipped that glass of wine at dinner and you never felt that compulsion to finish the whole bottle again...wouldn't you skip it? If you skipped that cigarette after dinner just once and became a non-smoker...wouldn't that be worth it?

All of these "just once's" add up to a lifetime of forming new habits. New habits that are free of addiction. If you think about it, all we have is the moment we are in anyway. So, if we use this train of thought to do the next right action, in that moment, eventually we become who we desire to be. Simply from a string of right decisions moment to moment.

The key is not to allow yourselves to think about anything other than what the action is going to be now. Not what you did a minute ago or what you may do a minute from now. Disregard those thoughts and bring your attention to doing what is next in order to reach the goal. If you choose something other than what is helpful to you, that's okay. Dust yourself off and try again. A new moment has just arrived!

And if you have faith, ask for strength. If you don't, you may want to consider that since you didn't create the world outside of yourself (or inside yourself for that matter) that there just might be some thing/force/energy/spirit/god....out there that did. And that is really all the faith you need.