Approaching a New Year

As the new year approaches we are encouraged to think about ourselves. Our accomplishments, failures, goals, resolutions etc....as I thought about these things, I was lead to the following excerpt from one of my favorite books...

Enjoy it, and may everyday of the next year bring some form of joy into your life.

Prelude to a New Dream

There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with your dream of life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, "This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things and some things I cannot do. This is reality; that is fantasy, this is possible, that is impossible."

One single agreement is not such a problem but we have many agreements that make us suffer, that make us fail in life. If you want to live a life of joy and fulfillment, you have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear-based and claim your personal power. The agreements that come from fear require us to expend a lot of energy, but the agreements that come from love help us to conserve energy and even gain extra energy.

-The Four Agreements

by Don Miguel Ruiz

Moving On

What do we do when the people we love repeatedly will not respect us and consider our feelings? Do we move on? Respect and consideration are so important in a relationship and if we aren't getting either...why stay?

Having enough love for ourselves to know when we are not being treated as we would like to be treated, and having the courage to ask for what we need is not an easy task. However once the courage and willingness has been made there is a feeling of peace. Knowing that we deserve more and standing up for ourselves is empowering.

So, I believe we must honor who we are and express ourselves, if another person cannot or will not provide what we need in the relationship then we move on simply out of incompatibility.
Letting go can be very challenging and some of us cling to the idea that, somehow in the future things may be different. But it isn't good for either person if we put your lives on hold based on someone's "potential" to change. We can only change ourselves and if that is not an option then we have no other choice but to let the other go with love to live their best lives...even though it may be painful to do so.

Pause...Reflect...

In reflection of my last entry....

Is it possible that unconditional love is reserved only for children from their parents? I think this is definitely where we see the best examples of unconditional love, but I also believe it is intended as a gift for everyone.

This is where romantic love and genuine, true LOVE get confused...I am a firm believer of honoring ourselves and setting necessary boundaries in relationships with people. And when two people cannot do this in a relationship it doesn't mean they can no longer love each other. In fact, continuing to love each other but letting the other go and live their best life is the essence of unconditional love.

This I believe, is a tremendously difficult task to master and one which may take many more than our mere 100 years, to achieve.

A Little Insight into the Madness

Life seems so short to me lately. I have had big questions in my head that keep going round and round such as; "Why are we here?" "What's it all for?" "Could this really be all there is?" "How can life just continue like this; one life born, one life dies...another fast food chain opens..........?!"

No wonder people are trying to avoid their life and feelings as much as possible with alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, sex, relationships, etc...etc... I mean really, a person could literally loose their mind contemplating these questions for too long.

But what a tragedy, believing these temporary fixes are what life and living is all about...how easily we turn our heads or forget that in "reality" these things also have the power to make our lives miserable and in some cases actually kill us.

So, if these experiences are not what life is all about, WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?

Some say love....but maybe more accurately it's unconditional love. A HUGE topic that honestly I have very little comprehension of. However, this may be the answer to inner peace and a joyful content life. What comes to mind for me when I hear unconditional love is; letting go of expectations, limitations, demands, control, knowing, judgement, all of it and accepting each and everything for the way it is in the present moment.

And then this comes to mind...Holy crap! How in the heck am I going to do that? It will take more than one lifetime to make just a start at that.

So, back to the original thought and question I go...Life seems so short to me lately and could this really be all there is to it? Keep trying, and trying, and trying and hopefully before I die I will have a closer understanding to what unconditional love is? Really?! I hope there is way more to it than that...

The Circle Complete.

Craig told us that it was very important for us to teach our first yoga class as soon as we got the opportunity. He said putting it all together and delivering it to a room full of students would complete the training circle and that is when all of the benefits from the training would start to flow out of each one of us...

Well I taught my first class last week and am happy to say it went well, even better than I thought it would. I have been embraced into the studio here in Tempe, AZ. Everyone has been very supportive and welcoming. I had the opportunity to take a class in Scottsdale, AZ as well and I have to say the Bikram Yoga community there was just as welcoming to me as a new teacher, as my home studio.

I feel as though a whole new world is opening up around me; it's a bit overwhelming, and so exciting!

If I had the opportunity, I would tell Craig "thank you"..."thank you for encouraging us to complete the circle, of my own, I may or may not have had the follow through. I am so grateful for the extra push".

Settling...

We all do it...we sell ourselves short, give up our dreams, desires, compromise who we are to suit the needs of people/institutions around us or to achieve something we think we want.

Why don't we instead, follow our gut feelings, our internal guidance, and go where we feel lead? I've found when something feels wrong, it most likely is. There are many times I can recall where something "just didn't feel right"...but I did it anyway...

Now I suggest, keeping our eyes turned internally to the what feels right. Hopefully that will lead to satisfaction and joy. Personally I am just beginning to collect experiences around this thought and so I cannot say one way or another with confidence how -or if- it works...it just feels like the right thing to do! I will keep you posted!

Our Playing Small Doesn't Serve the World.

Well it is the last day of training...I can hardly believe it! Bikram's wife Rajashree read us part of Nelson Mandela's 1994 inaugural speech during one of our final savasanas. It seems appropriate here...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,

it is our Light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is with in us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own Light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

Finding your Voice

It seems as though there is an epidemic out there of people who have so much to say but hold it all inside themselves... I'm not talking just about verbal expression, I mean expression in their work, in their relationships, and in their basic everyday lives.
Society as a whole (at least American society) is conditioned to conform to the "norm" -whatever that is. Then there is the other extreme, the people who know they don't want to conform to the "normal" way of living and try as hard as they can to be different. Which in my opinion is simply conforming to the abnormal.

Finding our own individual voices and expressing our own individual likes and dislikes can be a challenging process, especially as the expression involves opening more of our hearts. What a gift to be able to do this... Realizing that each and everyone one of us are unique and different is what makes our relations to other people so valuable. We would never learn from each other if we all knew the same things. We cannot share our experiences, thoughts, philosophy, humor, strength, humiliations, etc...if we are all doing the same things, thinking the same things, believing the same things, and trying to achieve the same goals.

I believe its important to figure out what your own opinion of your own experience is. It may seem as though this is a given, you might say,"Of coarse I know what my opinion is!" ...but think about it, do you know? Is it yours? Or have your opinions been given to you, subtly over time?

I am not saying there aren't many out there who express who they truly are. I know some of you well and I admire and love you for it. You have been my inspiration. Thank you.

The Bikram Method

Bikram Choudhury gets a lot of crap for requesting and receiving a copyright for the 26 Hatha yoga postures and 2 breathing exercises used in his Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class. He has a copyright, not on the postures themselves -they are over 6000 years old- but the actual order and timing of the ones he has chosen to put into his class.

These postures and this order have been (and continue to be) researched. This is why he has had them copyrighted. He and his wife Rajashree with the help of doctors at UCLA, along with many others, have had ongoing research to indicate and validate the medical benefits of this method of yoga. As they continue to expand their research avenues, they in turn help many people who have been lost to western medicine ideas of "symptom management" for injuries as well as acute and chronic diseases.

I originally started doing this yoga to keep my upper body loose and to avoid chronic overuse injuries that are common in my profession. I have since learned that many others have come to Bikram yoga and found relief from a spectrum of diseases and other disabilities such as: diabetes, hyper/hypothyroidism, colitis, IBS, liver disorders, pancreatic disorders, blood diseased, cardiovascular disorders, pulmonary disorders, obesity, drug/alcohol detoxification and recovery...the list goes on and on.

I feel I am blessed to be a part of a group that is looking to help people take control of their physical bodies and their minds, in order tap into their spirit and facilitate their own healing. It is comforting to know that the stats are stacking up in favor of Bikram's method of yoga.

For the skeptics out there who think all you do in yoga is sit around and chant "OM"... I challenge you to take charge of your life and your health. Check out this specific kind of yoga; Bikram's Beginning Yoga. You will unlock the door to long life, superior physical health, renewed mental clarity and emotional freedom. And if none of those reasons motivate you to try it...I will personally guarantee that AT THE VERY LEAST, you will get a kick ass workout!

Little Miss Independent

I have mentioned how this training is helping to rapidly release ideas, beliefs, and concepts that people have had for a long time, by opening up the body and bringing it back -as near as possible- to its original state.

For a long time I have believed that it isn't good to be so independent. What I am finding out is this isn't necessarily my belief. I accepted this "suggestion" as it has was placed in my head by people I wanted to please, maybe by people that I have admired, or possibly by the media (heck, maybe all of the above!)... at any rate, what I am finding out is, it is good to be and to express my independence.

Independence is a useful gift and ultimately we all have everything we need right inside of ourselves, to sustain us, comfort us, bring us joy, and calm the storms when they come up.

This doesn't mean I think we should all be alone, other people are also gifts and each relationship has a special purpose. However, I do believe each person is on their own personal journey. Fortunately for us, people continually walk along the same paths, sometimes for years at a time and sometimes only for a minute...I believe we help each other to find the strength within ourselves to express who we are.

Relationships are wonderful, exciting and special gifts; but each one is temporary. Knowing this gives me the freedom to be myself and to love other people for who they are. Respecting that each one of us has to travel our own individual road; to FREEDOM.

Peeling Back the Layers

This week we had a lecture from Jon Burras (Certified Yoga Teacher, Certified Yoga Therapist, Certified Bodyworker, Certified Body/mind Therapist, Certified Wellness Consultant).

He spoke to us about the connection between connective tissue (fascia) and emotion. This was very interesting to me as a fellow bodyworker...

The idea is, each specific physical and emotional "incident" is stored in the connective tissue throughout the body. For example, if as a child you fell off your bike and twisted your ankle; in addition to the physical changes in the connective tissue of the ankle, the emotion around the event will be stored in the body as well.

Lets say you were told to "toughen up, and stop crying" when this happened and you learned to stuff your emotions and distrust that you would be supported in the future if you cried when something painful happened to you. You file that experience away as "information" in your body and mind. Then years later, when you are on a massage table, and the massage therapist is working on your "problem" ankle, you start to cry but don't know why...

It is because, each little incident stores in the body, collects and weights us down. This causes us to age prematurely.

So the massage releases the connective tissue as well as the emotion. Yoga does this as well. Yoga stretches and releases the connective tissue -especially when you do it twice a day in a very hot room!

I have experienced this first hand on a regular basis during this training and to a lesser degree on the massage table...what a powerful combination. I've seen eighty year old yogis come in to teach us that look 30 years younger than they are. I believe this is because they are releasing -on a regular basis-all of the "stuff" that weights them down and ages them.

Personally, I feel lighter and younger than I have felt in quite a while. I feel like I am peeling back the layers (of connective tissue!) and releasing the weights that were slowly trying to kill me.

http://www.jonburras.com/

"Calm the Wind and the Storm Ceases."

I have been learning a lot about breath and breathing here. Truth be told, I have been hearing a lot about it since I started yoga, but it seems as though I am finally listening.

My teachers at home would say "there is nothing to do but breathe", "let the body open up with the breathe" or "go deeper with each breath", and I would hear them and think what they were saying "sounded good", but that was about as far as I got.

I am finally learning exactly what the breath can do for our bodies. First of all, we cannot live with out it. It is the most important thing to us for sustaining life. Yes, even more important than water. If we aren't breathing then we certainly aren't drinking anything! Secondly, we can control our physiological responses with our breath...we can slow our heart rates down or speed them up simply by taking long deep breaths or fast quick breaths (try it and see what happens).

This is a very important technique to learn in our fast paced, high stress societies. We can give our over stressed hearts and lungs a much needed break and prevent diseases just by training our minds/bodies to breathe deep in a stressful situation.

The fast track to learning this technique is, of coarse, yoga; and Bikram yoga specifically. Put yourself in a heated room for 90 minutes doing intense Hatha yoga and try to breath slow and deep (normally) the whole time, do this on a consistent basis. Then, when you are in traffic, not moving, and need to be somewhere in 5 minutes...you will be able to roll with it. You (and your body) will automatically realize; there is nothing to do but breathe".

Get Over Yourself and Get into IT!

So I have decided the "theme" of my training experience here is "Get Over Yourself". I didn't realize just how many patterns/habits I have that keep me stuck and limit my experiences until I got got here and started to actually try to teach this yoga.

I work in a service industry, I am involved in a service group, and now I am learning to teach (really teach) others. It seems as though it's all about acceptance, being open, and able to go with the flow.

When I accept what is happening as a personal choice, stay open to God, the Universe, the Cosmos...etc, to deliver the answers and strength, and just do the next thing that comes up with a willing heart and strong determination, things change.

The most important thing I can do in this process is stay out of my own way, get over myself and GET INTO IT! Who cares if I am not perfect (I suspect no one will be surprised!) and who cares if I "make a fool out of myself"...it adds character. And if someone -god forbid- doesn't like me, well then I think they are probably not the first and will not be the last. Maybe I can at least be a good reflection for them.

So my new mantra for now is: GET OVER YOURSELF AND GET INTO IT!

Break Down to Break Through

This week has been all about breaking out of my limiting beliefs and re-enforcing new behavior patterns...

It started on Monday when I got to my morning class. I went to stretch up in Half Moon pose and realized that my body was killing me. I hadn't really done anything on Sunday and I was hoping that would help my body to recover but that was NOT the case.

Anyway, I started freaking out a little...telling myself that this was crazy, that they might not know what they are doing here, I can't do this and maybe I should just go home. All I wanted to do was go home.

Well those thoughts opened up the flood gates for more tears to come, and this time they didn't stop. I cried pretty much throughout the day. It was the strangest thing, sitting and listening to my lectures and participating in our clinics while tears streamed down my face. I just let them come quietly and tried not to create any drama for anyone else. At times I had to go to the bathroom and sob uncontrollably only to return to class ready to listen and participate once again.

Although it was a very tough day, I realized some important things about myself and about human nature. We all have patterns in our life that we re-enforce on a daily basis and when we are forced outside of our patterns and beyond what we feel we are capable of doing, fear sets in. Fortunately I now know, if I just keep going straight through the fear, the gift on the other side is amazing. It's self-realization.

I didn't quit. I didn't go home. I pushed through and did what I didn't think I could do. I didn't give the negativity enough power to stop me and I didn't stuff it either. I did my best not to judge how I was feeling and just let it pass through me. This was an uncomfortable process and I didn't enjoy it when it was happening. But I have to say it was completely worth it and I have a feeling this is only the tip of the iceberg.

The Yoga

Ok so, I am in the middle of my third week here at Bikram's Yoga Teacher Training and I have finally stopped crying in class! It's not like I was balling uncontrollably or anything but a few tears were coming out every class up until Monday. I had a terrible cold last week -as a told you before- and now am feeling much better. My practice is getting stronger and stronger with every class and I am getting more and more sore with every class!

During my class last night, at the end, in final Savasana, I had a rainbow of color wash over my closed eyes...bright green, orange, purple and red. I don't know what it means...some say it the opening of Chakras (energy centers)...it may very well be. I feel more open and grounded than I have ever felt in my life. As it is with all feelings, this one will eventually pass I am sure, so I am going to try to stay aware of it and grateful for it as long as possible!

The Middle Path

This week has been a tough one for me. We have been going from 8 o'clock AM until 1 o'clock AM most of the days I've been here. The earliest we've gotten out is 11:30PM. I ended up getting really sick with a head and chest cold that is going around.

I have a tendency to be an all or nothing type of person so my old pattern would be go, go, go, push, push, push, until I can't go anymore and then stop completely and recuperate. This was not an option here. I was expected to continue taking my classes and attending my lectures even though I wasn't feeling well. It was suggested that I listen closely to my body and work though the cold. I found myself getting upset because that was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be told "yes, you have a fever, you need to go up to your room and get some rest". Instead I was asked to do as much as I could during my classes and ultimately, if I needed to leave or miss class, I would have to make up the time missed with additional classes.

Now, I decided before I left for this training that I was going to trust this process, these people and God to lead me through the experiences that came to me. So I accepted my situation and went to all my classes and lectures. I did the very best I could, and wouldn't you know it, I am feeling better and I learned a little something important about myself.

There is a middle path between all and nothing. I just needed to work within my current situation and do my 100% best for that day, regardless of my fears. If what I am doing doesn't look like it did yesterday, or what I think it "should" look like, then that is perfectly alright...it doesn't matter, so long as I give 100% to each experience.

That said, I am so grateful for my health and very happy to be feeling better again!

Emotional Evacuation!

Today I became aware of the body's ability to innately use emotions to heal the body.

When I first got to training it was suggested that we drink one liter of water about 45 minutes before class to hydrate and give ourselves enough time to eliminate the excess. Today I tried that and it turn out to be a disaster!

It is HIGHLY discouraged to leave the room during an actual yoga class, in fact you will be stopped, asked why you are leaving, and if it is not an emergency, you will be sent back to your mat.

So of coarse, I had to go to the bathroom about two postures into class. I was doing the mental part of it, trying to detach and hoping I would sweat it out...believe me I was sweating!! But by the time I got to the floor series it was overwhelming. I was actually crying. I thought maybe I was having an emotional release -and maybe part of it was- but I kept thinking to myself "I am crying because my body is trying to help me get rid of the excess water".

I finally -at about 105 minutes into it- had enough, got up and walked to the back of the room, asked to be excused, and ran top speed to the bathroom! I was back in before the next posture began, relieved and ready to continue.

What an amazing machine, our body. Had I let myself go and sob uncontrollably, would I have no longer had to go to the bathroom? At this point I am grateful for the experience and the awareness. Needless to say I will not be drinking a liter of water 45 minutes before class again! Nor will I wait until I am crying to excuse myself!

Jump out of the well!

Bikram told us this story he heard when he was five years old about a frog that was living inside of a well. This is not exactly the way it was told to us but it is close...

A frog had jumped into a well and could not get out. He was bored and wondering if this was all there was to his life when a man came along and told him that this was not all there was and that this was only a well! He told the frog that there was a whole ocean out there! The frog didn't understand but wanted to know more, so the man picked up the frog and put him in the ocean.

At first he couldn't believe how big and beautiful the ocean was! But then the current started carrying the frog here and there, and some of the waves were really big...he started to get a little scared because he was not sure where he was going or what might happen to him. The frog started to panic and asked the man to put him back in the well where he felt safe.

So the man returned him to his well and the frog was so happy because in the well he could see the walls around him and knew what to expect. He felt safe. But, in just a short while, the frog was unhappy again, bored and alone, wondering if this was all there was to life. He had forgotten about the ocean and the opportunity that was given to him.

This training is about bringing down some of the walls I have constructed around myself that make me feel safe. Its about stepping out of the well and into my life. Letting life take me where the current leads me, about being open to new opportunities and experiences, and letting faith not fear guide me.

Bikram Choudhury

Well I've made it to Honolulu and the training has started. There is so much to say about this training but I decided to write my first blog about the man himself, Bikram Choudhury.

I have to admit I was a little nervous and very excited to meet him. I had heard he can be very critical and that he is not at all politically correct. Truth be told... so far he is living up to those descriptions. On the flip side of that coin though, he has the most genuine smile and the kindest eyes of any human being I have ever met. There is something calming about him. He is grounded, very open, honest and does not personalize any judgement he or anyone else makes. So... I have to say, I like him.

He randomly breaks out into song and dance whenever he feels like it, whether it is during a yoga class or a lecture. He will go off on a tangent about one of his famous friends or his expensive cars and is able come back around to his point using a wonderful metaphor or a story his guru told him. He says whatever he feels like he needs to say, some of it is insightful and inspiring and some of it is rude, crude and offensive. As he would say "there is much gold to be mined through all the dirt".

Its kind of refreshing really; to have someone around who is not afraid of any part of himself or anyone else. I am looking forward to learning much more from him.

Feel the JOY

Much of what I write about is over coming something... I thought I would take a second to remind myself how good it feels to let the joy in!

It's time to feel excited and joyful for all of the wonderful gifts Life has to offer!

Have you felt your joy lately? Open up to it, let it rise up and bubble over and out to the people around you...think of it as your gift to them.